| Vincent Van Gogh was painting in a corner of the pub when his mate Rembrandt walked in. "Fancy a drink, Van Goghy?" called out Rembrandt. "No, its okay", said Van Gogh, "I've got one ear." |  |
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A cheeseburger walked into a pub and asked for three pints of Guiness, two halves of stout, and a double brandy. "Out!", yelled the barman, "I've told you before, we don't serve food." |
| A duck walked into a bar and asked for a
bunch of grapes. The barman said "We don't sell
grapes". The duck asked for a bunch of grapes. The
barman said "This is a pub. We don't sell
grapes". The duck asked for a bunch of grapes and
the barman lost his temper and threw the duck out. The next night the duck came in and asked for a bunch of grapes. The barman said "We don't sell grapes". The duck asked for a bunch of grapes. The barman said "I told you last night, this is a pub. We don't sell grapes. We don't have grapes." The duck asked for a bunch of grapes and the barman lost his temper again and threw him out. The next night the duck came in and asked for a bunch of grapes. The barman sighed and said "I keep telling you we don't sell grapes." The duck asked for a bunch of grapes. The barman lost his temper immediately, dragged the duck quacking to the door, threw him into the street and yelled "I've had enough of you are your grapes. Get out of here. And if you come in again tomorrow night and ask for a bunch of grapes I'm going to glue your webbed feet together! Understand?" The next night the duck came in and asked for a tube of superglue. "We don't sell superglue" said the barman. The duck asked for a tube of superglue. "I told you," said the barman, "we don't sell superglue". The duck ask for a tube of superglue. "Lord, give me strength," growled the barman, "we don't sell superglue. This is a PUB! We don't sell superglue. We don't sell rubber glue. We don't sell wall paper paste. We don't sell adhesive tape. We don't sell masking tape. We don't sell elastoplast. And we don't sell Post It Notes. If its sticky, you Will Not Get It Here!" "Good" said the duck. "In that case, can I have a bunch of grapes." |
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Okay, so they were pretty terrible jokes, and I'm sure you know lots of better ones that involve pubs, so get the email out and mail them to us at pubworld@cga-datavault.co.uk, and if they are not too blue, we'll include them in the next jokes page update.
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