A little boy was lost at in the supermarket. He went up to the security guard and said "I've lost my dad." The security guard asked him "What's he like?" and the little boy replied "Beer, and women with big boobs."

A man is sitting in the pub when he hears a bowl of peanuts on the bar saying "Oooh, you really are amazing. Oooh, you are lovely." Then the fruit machine shouted "Rubbish, look at the state of that haircut. And those socks don't go with those shoes." The barman apologised. "I'm sorry," he said, "The nuts are complimentary but the fruit machine is out of order."

A man with a dog walked into a pub. The landlord said, "Sorry Sir, no dogs." Bluffing outrageously, the man said "I'm blind,.. its my Guide Dog". The landlord looks doubtful and said, "But its a Yorkshire Terrier." The dog owner put on a look of astonishment and said "What? But they told me it was a very small labrador!"

Question: Does an elephant ever forget? Answer: Only if you've lent him some money.

If you've got a rib tickler you want to share with us, and if it isn't too blue, politically incorrect, or a refugee from the Des O'Connor joke book, send it to info@pubworld.co.uk

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